This presentation critically examines my experience of interviewing registered nurses who related stories about caring for their own dying family members at home and in hospital. In this research I came to understand that interviewing participants who had experienced loss similar to my own, created moments when I empathised with them as colleagues and women. In the interviews I found myself engaging with them in ways that were protective as I became focused on their vulnerability. As a nurse, I also brought a professional gaze that was concerned with the normative requirements of conduct for registered health professionals, albeit it representations of conduct within personal relationships. When participants gave detailed accounts of struggles with medicine management and requests for help to die, I realised that my responses were leading them away from sensitive topics.